Blow out your own, damn candles.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here>Birthday.
Sing your own goofy, out-of-tune Birthday song.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here> birthday poem.
On <Insert birthday person’s name here> Birthday, We–
Sing lyrical odes to warrior Kings and Queens.
Chase old demons and slay sleeping dragons.
Share hearty toasts and echo hardier laughter.
Welcome any and all to our celebration.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here> birth day.
We celebrate their arrival on this earth.
Like Venus from the sea, they have emerged from tumult– beautifully.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here> birthday.
Like Homer’s heroes, they have battled myths and voyaged miles
Triumphantly arriving here, today, as a thoughtful warrior and storyteller.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here> birthe daye.
We celebrate their triumphs with Shakespearean huzzahs.
This is <Insert birthday person’s name here> Birthday.
You had better fuckin’ recognize.
PROF. RADER